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 Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)

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Kazama
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Posts : 206
Join date : 2012-11-09

Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  Empty
PostSubject: Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)    Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  EmptyMon Dec 03, 2012 5:51 pm

Shinigami Template

Basic Information

Name: Kentori Zaraki
Age: 22
True Age: 3878
Sex: Male
Personality: Kentori dislikes society in general and thus distances himself from people and society. He is a former shinigami and one of the only soul reapers to ever leave the thirteen court gaurd squads. He is quiet and withdrawn for the most part and is very uneasy in crowds or with strangers. He is always ready for a fight as well, a side effect of his dislike for humans and society. Helooks at them and thinks how much better it would be if they were all gone.
Likes: Kentori is a loner and likes it that way. He loves gardening and is rather good at it, a skill he acquired from being alone so much. He also enjoys hunting, animals, hollows, occasionally people. His third love is fighting though.
Fears: Kentori fears large crowds and is very uncomfortable around new people, often showing it by keeping his hand wrapped tightly around the hilt of his sword. He is also afraid of the captains of the thirteen squads because he does not want to go back.

Character Appearance


Height: 5'2"
Weight: 132 lbs
Physical Traits: Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  Hiei2
Clothing: Kentori wears black trousers and tunic with a red sash for a belt, white wraps on both his wrists, and a pair of black boots that go up to midcalf.
Accessories: Kentori also has a seven inch knife that was made a mixture of steel, rieatsu, and kido, giving it some rather unique qualities.

Fighting Style


General Fighting Style: Kentori is a versatile fighter, capable of changing his style as needed. He can wield his zanpaktou together, fight with a kendo style, switch to stealth, or call upon kido. Whateer the situation, Kentori changes to suit it.
Strengths: Kentori has incredible amouns of spiritual pressure like his brother Kepachi. He is even able to launch a wave of rieatsu at his opponent by swinging his sword.. He is also incredibly fast and a master of shunpo. And his third noteable strength is actually a bloodline trait, inherint to all the Zaraki clan. His vast amounts of spiritual pressure allows him to withstand sword, up to three tiers above him in sealed, two in shikai or equivalent, or one when fighting bankai.
Weaknesses: Kentori, despite his vast spiritual pressure, knows no kido. He also lacks more conventional skills needed in society, so while he can live comfortably on his own, in a civilized world he is quite lost. His third weakness is another Zaraki clan trait. He is out of touch with his Zanpaktou and thus does not know his bankai and likely never will.

Zanpakuto & Kidou


Sealed Appearance: Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  O_44-INCH-JIN-TACHI-SAMURAI-SWORD-103706
Spirit’s Name: Kyuubi no Oni (Nine tailed demon)
Spirit’s Appearance:
Spoiler:
Spirit’s Personality: Kyuubi is a violent creature that wants to see the world burn. He doesnt want to rule. He doesnt want to be rich or live well. He just wants to watch it all burn.
Inner World: Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  Thegatesofhell
Kidou:Kentori knows none.

Shikai


Call Out Command:Terrorize the earth and tear down the heavens, roar through dreams and rampage through despair, Kyuubi no Oni!
Appearance: [What does your shikai look like] Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  Demon-sword
Abilities: Kentori is able to unleash a blast of sheer, destructive energy with a single swing of his blade, on par with a level eighty hado.
Boosts: Speed x2 strength x2 stamina x2 kido x2 spiritual pressure x2



Back Drop


Background: Kentori is the second child of the Zaraki family, the estranged brother to Kenpachi Zaraki. However the Zaraki clan is a clan of wanderers, vagabonds, and trouble makers. Kenpachi is actually the norm or the clan, not so much in power, he far exceeds most members of the Zaraki family, but in attitude. The Zaraki's are not a tight knit family and children often find themselves alone on the streets, earning to fend for themselves with no contact to family, and no care for it either. Kentori shares a father with Kenpachi, but has a different mother. However this did not change the outcome for him as a child ad like his older half brother he found himself on the streets. Kentori did rather well for himself however and at a young age he took up with one of the local gangs, starting out as just a lookout when he was young. As he got older though, the gang moved him to bigger jobs, moving up to pick pocket and runner for a while, then moving on to extra hand in some heists. The gang was the first to teach him how to use a sword. The gang had a very odd and uncoordinated structure of training, and so Kentori learned many different styles, simply because he rarely had the same teacher for more than a week. This was a benefit to him however rather than a hindrance. His natural strength, speed, and skill gave him an edge over most other fighters and soon he was part of the gangs muscle.

But being the biggest, baddest gang around got more attention than one usually wanted. As the gangs power ad influence grew, the thirteen court gaurd squads took notice, and it wasnt long before shinigami were dispatched to bring the gang down. Admittedly the gang fought brilliantly. The boss was a brilliant man and through his planning, the gang was able to force the shinigami to send more men. This time however, two seated officrs were among them. Again the gang fought brilliantly, but this time they were way outmatched and each encounter ended in defeat. Finally the shinigami had driven the gang back to its main hideout where most of the remaining gang members had ran. Kentori among them. The boss pulled his men together and said his farewell to them, passing out gifts to each and wishing them luck, releasing them from his service. Kentori alone of the gang members remained. When the shinigami stormed the hideout, Kentori met them with everything he had, bringing down each fighter to try getting past him and into the bosses chambers.

He held them off valiantly. Until the two officers decided to step in. Kentori was good, good enough to hold off trained shinigami of the thirteenth squad for over an hour. But no street thug could hope to stand up against a seated officer, let alone two, and he was brought down in a matter of moments, and despite his best efforts, he watched his boss dragged off in chains.

Despite also being a criminal however, the officers did not take him in as well. Instead, they invited him to the shinigami academy, offering him a better life, better training, and a chance to redeem himself. "You fight with great skill and honor and display admirable loyalty. With some training, you could make an excellent officer." one of the officers told him. Without a boss, a gang, a family, or a home, kentori took his gift from the boss, the Dagger of Ryuushi, and entered the academy.

Kentori did well in the academy, being a natural born fighter. He displayed difficulties when dealing with authority, but the instructors were patient and did their best to understand his situation and try not to kill him. It was a very difficult time for them.

Kentori joined squad eleven, before Kenpachi showed up, and he did surprisingly well there. Surpriing to his superiors anyway, who all expected the disrespectful, headstrong man to go nowhere. But his skill and power was undeniable and he attained a high seat, despite his superiors disapproval. But he felt it wasnt enough. He had grown up on the meanest streets around, worked his way up in a gang of considerable repute, before the shinigami had stepped in, and he felt like he was having to start all over again. It was a slap in the face to him.

It did not take long for the rules of the thirteen court gaurd squads, all the looking down on him for what they percieved to be weakness becauuse of his lack of any kidou skills, because of his assumed lack of any sort of planning. He longed for his old life, where he did what he wanted, when he wanted. When he was respected for his skill, not looked down on for his courage. He did not need their wimpy spells. He didnt need their damned tactics. And he did not need the shinigami.

Leaveing however was a much more difficult thing then he could have ever expected however. He had been unaware of the once in, never out, rule, nd his superiors were quick to point it out. Again, Kentori found himself uncaring for their rules. He slew the fourth and third seat of squad eleven as he made his escape, proving that he was not to be taken lightly. But by time more powerful officers, he was gone.

But killing Shinigami officers made one very wanted man, and Kentori found that, even after escaping the seritei, by killing one of the supposedly mighty gate keepers, he was in far over his head. Despite all his skill and power, he was on the run. Finally, he found way out. He left the soul society all together. Through a deal with a devil, almost literally, Kentori found his way to the realm of the living. From there, he made his way to the sahara desert. He had grown weary of people, in all forms, and sought only to remove himself from them. The great, open desert seemed perfect.

Now he patiently waits, training in almost complete solitude. All the food and water he could need he easily gets from raiders dumb enough to cross his desert, and a small oasis he had found. He waited, and trained, preparing for his return to soul society.....


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Rena
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PostSubject: Re: Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)    Kenotori Zaraki (ROGUE CHAR)  EmptyFri Dec 21, 2012 6:23 am

kay.. so..time to do my job.

Quote :
Kentori has incredible amouns of spiritual pressure like his brother Kepachi. He is even able to launch a wave of rieatsu at his opponent by swinging his sword.. He is also incredibly fast and a master of shunpo. And his third noteable strength is actually a bloodline trait, inherint to all the Zaraki clan. His vast amounts of spiritual pressure allows him to withstand sword, up to three tiers above him in sealed, two in shikai or equivalent, or one when fighting bankai.

First off I'd like to mention kenpachi's real name was Zaraki.. kenpachi was the title given to the most physically powerful shinigami.. Unohana was one at one point. but that doesn't matter much to me just wanted to tell you.

Second off. you just gave him an ability in his strengths section. The energy blade thing. That shouldn't be in strengths that should be in his shikai or mentioned as an "always accessible skill" section above your Zanpaktou section.

Third off you just gave him massive spiritual power, endurance due to spiritual power, strength, and speed. With only no kidou as a weakness. That is not balanced at all. For wanting over a 2-1. you didn't try to balance him. Knows no kidou? okay. thats a decent weakness. But then you list a CHARACTER FLAW which was stated in the personality. That is not a weakness that is a character flaw. Much akin to Rena's anger issue.

now onto the actual problem.

Your shikai ability is denied. You CANNOT fire a hadou 80 strength blast at will. That is overkill as a shikai ability. Especially considering that other than his background the app lacks too much to be considered for higher than a 2-2.

I understand he's a loner with anti-socialism but even they have can have better personalities than that. Use the character creation help personality section to help boost it if you wish. I've used it several times it's very handy. I don't mean to be a downer or nothing but i mean if you take out the background the rest of it really does seem small.

Another area you could improve on is his general fighting style.. I mean it's good as is for approving but being a bit more detailed can always help. Rena uses pressure/explosive styles and I explained what each one means. try doing that for yours.

I'm being hard on you about the more details part because you want to be 1 tier. but the shikai power is denied regardless of you getting a 1 tier or not. So don't think you can get out of not nerfing it just by increasing all the other areas of your app with more detail to be 1 tier.
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